Giving feedback about the work, not the person

The hardest part of feedback isn’t finding the courage to give it. It’s aiming it at the right target. Most feedback that lands badly is aimed at the person when it should be aimed at the work.

The two versions

• “You’re careless with detail.” → about the person. Feels like a verdict. Nothing to do with it except feel bad or argue.
• “There are three figures in this table that don’t match the source. Let’s check the others before it goes out.” → about the work. Specific, and there’s a clear next action.

Same underlying issue. One is a character judgement, the other is a task.

How to keep it on the work

• Point at something concrete. “This section” not “your writing”. “This meeting” not “your management style”.
• Describe the effect, not the intent. “When the report is late, the finance team can’t close the month” beats “you don’t take deadlines seriously.”
• Make the ask actionable. End with what should happen next, not with a summary of what went wrong.
• Separate the incident from the pattern. If it’s a one-off, treat it as one. Only reach for “this keeps happening” when it actually does — and then it’s a different, more serious conversation.

Why it works

Feedback about the person triggers defence. The energy goes into protecting identity. Feedback about the work gives someone something to fix, and most people, given something specific to fix, will fix it. You’re not being softer — you’re being more useful.